First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were trust falling into bushes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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