Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
