Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
