you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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