So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
