the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
