wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
