Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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