So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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