..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
