Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
