you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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