so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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