I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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