WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
