I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.