The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...