We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
