When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid