I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
