Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
