Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
