i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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