he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
