Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am puke
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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