In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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