I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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