he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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