After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
