If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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