Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
