Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
