Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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