I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
