Three words: puerto rican gang bang
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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