Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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