I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
