there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
