shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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