eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.