I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god