A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.