Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you had me at cake vodka
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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