i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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