At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
