At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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