he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
