My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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