butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
