i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
