So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
