I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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