Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
