Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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