This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
