I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
