wat bout pragnant strippers??
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
