so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Couch. On fire.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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