it wasn't lemon gatorade
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
