My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
