Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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