He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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