Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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