im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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