Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
