You just made me feel so damn special
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
