I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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