He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
