Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Damn victory sex feels great
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
