the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
organizing the empties. That sober.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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