Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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