i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize