is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
COCAINE IS GR8
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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