forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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