in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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