Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
