how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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