happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You have to summon your inner elephant
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
