come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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