I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
