i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
