so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
