Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
