Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
