you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
